Making the World A Better Place
by WHO on Nov-7-2005

First update in over a year! I bet most of you thought I’d given up on this website and most of you would have been right. Some bitches who, for legal reasons, shall remain nameless were giving me a bit of a hard time about this place and to be honest, spewing censored bile is just not worth my time. Censorship is some serious bullshit.

So, I’m going to make a statement and then I’m going to get on with the bitching, because that’s what I do best:

Everything I write on this website is a complete lie, totally fiction, and the figment of an authors’ over active imagination. Any resemblance to people or creatures, living or dead, is purely coincidental. I can not and will not be responsible for forcing certain bitter cunts to face particularly negative aspects of their personality and urge them to refrain from reading this site altogether lest the stick in their asses gets lodged any deeper. Oh, and please don’t take me to court again. Kthxbye.

Now, on with the lying!

So last night, a guy in his mid 50’s sits at my bar and orders himself a short draft beer. I grab him his beer and start him a tab, but after that, we have very little interaction. You see, Mr. Important is busy loudly talking on his cell phone because he’s a jackass and thinks that everyone in the restaurant needs to hear first hand how freaking smart and successful he is.

Whatever.

About 20 minutes later, a woman sits down next to him and I walk over and offer her a drink. She points to Mr. Important’s drink and asks, “What’s he having?” I tell her he’s having a short draft beer and she decides to order one as well. Just then, Mr. Important hangs up his phone and greats her, so now I know that they know each other, but obviously, I’m not sure how well they know each other.

So I ask, “Will you two be on one check or should I start separate tabs?”

Mr. Important humorlessly says, “She’ll be paying for herself.”

“Alright,” I reply as I proceed to open up another tab.

The woman quickly intercepts, “Oh no, he’s just kidding. We’ll be on one tab.”

Again, I say, “Alright” as I proceed to put them on the same tab.

Mr. Important says, “I am not kidding. That was a dumb question.”

The woman says, “Oh hush.”

Mr. Important continues, “I will not hush. That was. It was a dumb question.” Then he looks at me and says, “That was a really dumb question and you’re a very dumb girl. I can’t stand dumb people.”

Oh, snaps!

First of all, what the fuck was so dumb about that question? How the fuck am I supposed to know what their relationship is to each other? They could be co-workers, neighbors, casual friends, husband and wife, or on a blind date where they decided to go dutch. I mean, it is 2005 right now. A lot of fucking women gladly pay for their own goddamn drinks.

And seriously, I do serve food for a living, he totally got me there. But while I may be dumb, I do know that social norms dictate that he should insult me behind my back like all the other pompous, pretentious, too good for the help-but still eating in a classy joint that boasts chicken fingers on the menu asshole that comes in there.

So, I listened to his mini tirade about my perceived ignorance and then I turned around and walked away without responding. I went into the kitchen and told my boss, “That asshole at the end of the bar? I’m not waiting on him and if you’re going to fire me for it, get it over with now. But no matter what, this ‘dumb girl’ isn’t going to be pouring him any drinks.”

Then I walked into the office and as ashamed as I am to admit it, I sat back there and cried.

Now at this point, all the servers are looking around frantically trying to come up with excuses as to why they shouldn’t be the ones to wait on the guy at the end of the bar. No one wants to deal with another server’s garbage, after all. Finally, a server steps up and says, “I’ll take care of him. But only because I’ve never seen you upset before, let alone crying, and you’re the probably the strongest woman I’ve ever met, and frankly, I’m a little rattled.”

I know she was just trying to be sweet, but that only made me cry harder. I wish I could make excuses for letting some jerk off ‘get to me’ at the bar, but the truth is, while I have been called a great many things in my life, no one has every referred to me as ‘dumb.’ I guess the only valid excuse I have is:

That’s what happens when I go to work sober. And people wonder why I drink!

See, so many things bother me about this situation that it’s hard to list them with any kind of coherency, but I’m going to try.

First of all, if I were a 6’2, 250lb all muscle black man, that guy wouldn’t have the balls to say jack shit to me. I think it’s really shitty that because I’m small and blonde, some people think it’s OK to bully me when all I’m trying to do is my job.

And as for that woman that was with him? Can we say ‘enabler?’ Oh sure she did protest a little with her ‘oh hushs,’ but if my husband were to do that to anyone with me in tow, I’d be absolutely livid and would refuse to dine with him. In fact, I would refuse to marry someone so thoughtless and cruel in the first goddamn place.

And last, but not least, the thing that MOST pissed me off about that situation was the very fact that there was no way I could have defended myself and still kept my job. I had to sit there and take a verbal tongue lashing, swallow my pride, walk into the back and cry, and then go back out front and watch them sit and have a pleasant evening meal. The thought of throwing him out never even crossed the mind of my boss who is an expert trained in the art of kowtowing to every customer’s whim and had I said something like, “You don’t like dumb people? Well I don’t like arrogant jackasses. Guess we’re both sorta screwed in this scenario” I’d have been told to pick up my last paycheck next Friday.

And that is why I hate working for a corporation. The customer is always right and we will kiss your ass even when you’re being vicious and cruel to someone you know damned well can’t fight back. So go ahead and be as rude, impossible, demanding, insensitive, and nasty as you like, faithful customer! After all, who cares about being a decent human being when there’s a chance you can intimidate some employee with dead eyes into giving you a free desert, you lousy impolite advantage-taking fucker. You can do anything you want here! Want to sexually harass the young host? Go ahead, it’s not like she has the right to protest when you put your greasy middle aged hands on her ass! Want to scream profanity at the manager because your French fries are cold? Go ahead, it’s not like purposely over reacting and being a general ass isn’t a totally classy thing to do! Fuck manners! Want to break one of the tiffanies? Break a tiffany! We’ll send you a $10 gift card. We’ll tell you we’re sorry that happened to you!

Fact of the matter is, people like Mr. Important act that way because they are not punished for their bad behavior. In fact, if they frequent a lot of corporately owned places, they are often rewarded for being a dick. He crosses lines like that because in the 50+ years he’s been on this planet, no one has hauled off and punched him in the throat.

And while I don’t normally advocate violence, one has to wonder if maybe the world would be a better place if we held these people accountable for their bad behavior?

Let’s try that out, shall we?

The next time any of you come in contact with an asshole like that, do your part to make the world a better place.

Punch them in throat.



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