A Change of Perspective
by WHO on Apr-1-2003

I’ve been watching a lot of television lately.

I wish I could lie and say that I’ve been watching the progress of the war and sharpening my political opinions into a sharp, deadly point…but alas, I was never very good at lying. Instead I’ve been rotting my brains watching sitcoms featuring fat men, court shows, and reality TV. I probably watch close to 5 hours a week now and I can almost feel my brains leaking out of my ears like a thick, radioactive sludge. Any day now, you’re going to sign on and my layout will be a neon pink blog written completely in net speak.

APRILS FOOLS!

Well…almost. It will be a cold day in Hell before I start writing a blog, but I HAVE been watching entirely too much TV lately. So much so, that when George from Sienfield started advertising boneless BBQ wings at KFC, I was compelled to go try them. If anyone needs proof that TV is the work of the devil, all they need to do now is keep reading.

So I head to KFC barely stifling the ‘baa’ that wanted to escape my lips. I pull up to the drive-thru sign and wait almost 10 minutes before someone acknowledges my existence. I place my order and pull up to the window. Five minutes later, some 16-year-old ghetto rat opens it up and says:

“What was your order again? I forgot it.”

Well sweatheart, I think to myself, no one asked you to MEMORIZE my order. It was my understanding that you would ring it in.

This is America’s youth. So bland and uncreative, that they lack the ability to think of a decent lie. Too stupid to tell me that the computer froze up and she lost my order. Too shortsighted to explain that her headset quit working, so she couldn’t hear me. Too tactless to tell me anything but the truth…that while I was busy talking to a stick in the ground, she was busy ignoring me.

I repeat my order and she slams the window without bothering to tell me my total. A significant period of time later, she shows up and holds her hand out. I slip her $10 hoping that that will cover it. It does and she hands me a bag of food. I pull away and notice that my mashed potatoes are upside-down in a bag that is soaked in gravy.

Christ.

So I get out of my car, walk into the restaurant with the dripping bag and confront her at the counter. “These mashed potatoes fell out of the container,” I say, “Can I have another one?”

See, I’ve worked in fast food before. I know the correct answer here. She is SUPPOSED to say, “Sorry about that; I’ll get you another.” But that is not what she said.

Instead, she snatches the bag out of my hands, peaks in, hands the bag back to me, and states smugly, “Well they’re still in the bag.”

“Just get me some new mashed potatoes,” I reply a little less kindly.

She looks at me incredulously and says, “You’re lucky I get paid for this!”

Um, no.

YOU’RE lucky you get paid for this. Personally, I wouldn’t hire you to pick up dog shit.

I read her nametag and find that her name is Aapri. Too A’s. I’m not surprised at the trendy name. Most kids with trendy names are dipshits.

“Listen, Aapri?” I say, “Just get my fucking mashed potatoes.”

“I AM!” she shrieks.

“Today.”

“I AM!” she shrieks again.

At this point, I am trying very hard not to hurl the bag I am currently holding at her empty little head. She’s pissing me off and there is gravy running down my fucking arm and dripping all over the counter.

While Aapri is taking her good old time getting one small container of mashed potatoes, she proceeds to talk very loudly to another employee about how SOME people are so rude and who the hell do I think I am?

A manager sits idly by; saying and doing nothing.

Un-fucking-believable.

I work in the service industry. I have no delusions about my job. I know that it doesn’t take much more than common sense and limbs to do what I do. I am fully aware that there is a scientist out there somewhere that has trained an ape to do my job. But that doesn’t give me an excuse to do it poorly.

Because, let’s be honest with ourselves here. If you can’t successfully scoop French fries into a cardboard container, how do you expect the world to believe you’re capable of something more? If you’re too dumb to realize that one can’t eat mashed potatoes out of a brown paper bag, then what makes you think you’re smart enough for more than minimum wage? And the truly sad part is, that girls like Aapri make EVERYONE in the service industry look like go-nowhere wastes of space. And even sadder than that is the fact that most of them probably are.

Girls like Aapri will be flipping burgers until the day they die.

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