Grammar Nazi
by WHO on Jul-1-2002

I live for communication. I believe it is one of the strongest assets one can possess.

Every single job I’ve ever had, I’ve been promoted into positions of authority. Not because I was the oldest. Not because I was the smartest. Not because I was the hardest worker. And certainly not because I had the most seniority. It was because I communicated my thoughts most effectively. Verbal manipulation is quite a talent.

However, while going about my daily activities, I have noticed that not everyone respects language as much I do. In fact, the world around me is becoming a cesspool of indolent beings intent on retaining the blissful obliviousness to the degradation of the written and spoken word.

Simply put: most people don’t give a damn.

Not only are they ignoring the most obvious spelling and grammar mistakes, but they are embracing them. Internet Lingo. Text Messaging. Net Speak. All these are phrases that are synonymous with the phrase: Excused idiocy.

Some might argue that shortening up words makes an IM conversation go quicker. To them, I say spelling ‘are’ simply ‘r’ only saves you two extra keystrokes. It saves you less than a second of time even if you are a lousy typist. The truth is you’re a fucking lazy social retard. When wiping your ass, I highly doubt you slide the toilet paper against your crack more than once or twice. Then, you have the audacity to complain that there are always shit stains in your boxers. Fuck yourself, you apathetic twits. Or shall I say: fuc urself, u dumass! WOOT!?

One might say that the actual format of a message doesn’t matter so much as the point the author was trying to make. That is the biggest crock of bullshit I’ve heard since Mr. Clinton claimed that he ‘didn’t inhale.’ First of all, if English is a second language to your reader even minor spelling mistakes can throw off the entire theme of your message. Besides, the PRESENTATION of a message is just as, if not more important than the actual message. Don’t believe me? Let me run a scenario by you: Two equally qualified men are asking their boss for a raise and a promotion.

The first guys says:

“Wassup, dog. Can I holla atchoo for a minnut? Peep dis: I am up in dis joint EVERY DAY, I gots me da education you cats wanted, and ain’t no nigga up in here bust ass like me. Shit….you be trippin’ if you think you can make without da number one stunna. So, I be thinking that you should swing a little sumpin sumpin my way, yanno? A couple extra dolla dolla bills, if ya feelin’ me right.

The second guy says:

Mr. Billings? May I have a moment in private with you? I have reviewed the education requirements for the new position that has opened up and found that my resume meets and exceeds what you are looking for. Not only that, but I am a reliable, hardworking asset to this company who has proven his value on numerous occasions. I already know the ins and outs of this business, which would save you time on training where you to hire someone from outside the company. If you would consider me for the position, I promise you, I wouldn’t let you down.

Now, tell me, who would you promote? Keep in mind that the spirit of both messages are the same. It’s the presentation of the messages that varies.

Whether you admit it or not, how your present yourself is important in all you endeavor. This is why you don’t wear blue jeans to an interview. It’s why you don’t go on a first date in your bathrobe. It’s why you don’t refer to your child as ‘that fucking brat’ to his teacher. It’s why you hold the hymn book in front of your pants when you stand up to pray in church after you suddenly develop a hard on.

I am sick and fucking tired of people presenting themselves as bumbling idiots online and off and then crying when no one takes them seriously. I know that ‘dis ain’t school.’ I’m fully aware that ‘it’s not like we’re writing a report.’ But, regardless of that, if you want me to think you are intelligent, act intelligent. You can’t have it both ways. And if you don’t care how the people you talk to perceive you, then why in the fuck are you talking to them in the first goddamn place?

Oh wait. I forgot. You’re an idiot. Hopefully someone will come by from your village, pick you up, and take you back home.

Lastly, I’d like to point out that TYPOS do not bother me in the very least. They happen to everyone, despite spellcheckers, online dictionaries, etc. In fact, I’m sure if you looked hard enough, you’d find a typo or two on this very site. Sometimes, when one is thinking faster than they type, they will type a word that is SPELLED right, but is still is incorrectly placed in a sentence. Since I’m prone to doing this myself, I have no problem giving someone else the benefit of the doubt. However, it is purposeful spelling mistakes, obvious grammatical errors, and as one person on my message board stated blatant homonym dyslexia that infuriates me.

More so because the idiots that indulge in this apathy insist on being perceived as smart.



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