An Act of War
by WHO on Sep-16-2001

I’ve been saying for years that the only way to re-unite dear old America was to engage in a war. The positive side effects would be many. Not only would there be a potential rise in economy, a dent would be made in the pesky problem of over population. Furthermore, it is no secret that teenagers nowadays are arrogant, spoiled, disrespectful punks that take the silver spoons so carefully placed into their mouths for granted. What better way to teach them about pain, suffering, self-restraint and self-sacrifice then to send some of their friends off to die for this country? What better way to instill in them respect for authority, property, and their elders than to place them in direct view of the bloodshed? What better way but to bring them together to fight a common cause? Besides, there would be a very good chance that I could sit down in a restaurant and enjoy my meal without hearing some brat yell at her Mother, “I’ll GET my eyebrow pierced if I WANT my eyebrow pierced, you cunt! You can’t tell me what to do!” for once.

Looks like I might finally get my wish.

Unless you’ve been living in a cave for the past week, you know that some dirty foreigners managed to crash a couple of planes into the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, effectively making the average U.S citizen look like a confused, slack jawed, shit slinger from the hills. There is no doubt in my mind that any terrorist with access to U.S television is now watching the coverage of the event while sniggering and stroking their cocks beneath their robes. (Tee hee! Stoopid Americans not so smart now, eh!?) And who can blame them? Even the most patriotic of us have to admit that they got us pretty good.

But there are those of us who feel that we deserved it. Surfing the Internet, I have found not only people from foreign countries, but AMERICANS that claim that the U.S ‘had it coming.’ After all, didn’t we exploit and attempt to control third world countries for generations? These poor, poor camel jockeys were desperate! They were confused! They just wanted someone to LISTEN to their cause! And what better way is there to get people to listen and help but to blow up their friends and family?

Sorry, Mr. Terrorist. That doesn’t work. The second you hijack a plane, aim it towards a really big building, bow down on some dirty towel, and make those creepy clicking noises with your tongue, I personally cease to think, ‘Well here’s an honest guy who may have a point. Let’s help.’ NOW I’m only thinking: ‘Fucking maniac. Let’s poke it with sharp sticks in the nuts and see what it does.’

Besides, if the terrorists were mad at the government, they should have targeted the Pentagon or maybe bombed the White House. Honestly, if that would have been the case, I probably wouldn’t have cared all that much. Hell, I might have even shrugged my shoulders and thought to myself, “Well, knowing OUR government, we probably had it coming.” Obviously, that is not what happened. Instead, thousands of American innocents were killed. Let’s get that cold, hard, fact VERY straight. The people that died in the World Trade Center were the working class. Most of them probably didn’t give two flying fucks about politics. They were too busy making a living and taking care of their own. They were INNOCENT. Being born in America doesn’t automatically make you a ruthless warmongering bastard. If you want to know the truth, living in America usually makes you into a pussy.

The bleeding heart liberals of the world, however, are singing a different tune. Unfortunately for them, it is a tune that contradicts itself every other stanza. Apparently, the U.S has killed some innocents in the past, and since two wrongs DEFINITELY make a right, THAT is why the people at the WTC deserved to die. The U.S is to blame because we think we’re so important and we are always running around poking our noses into the business of other countries. The U.S is to blame because we didn’t feed all the starving kids in third world countries. The U.S is to blame because we possess too much pride to come and help only when we are ’summoned’ and we’re such unreasonable assholes that we expect at least a little political support in return after doling out a shit load of charity. We’re to blame because we’re rich. We’re to blame because we’re powerful. We are to blame because….


Hold the fuck up! Since when was living in a rich in powerful country not only considered a BAD thing, but also considered a SHAMEFUL thing? Fact is, even the poorest people in America are wealthy as hell compared to the poor in other countries. We have welfare, social security, homeless shelters, soup kitchens, canned food drives, section 8, and job counseling for OUR unfortunate souls. And because of programs like these, you will not find any little babies, starving to death in flea-ridden huts, drinking dirty water, with bloated bellies and crust under their eyes. Here, we don’t NEED foreign countries to rush into our cities with cameras begging their citizens for a mere $30 a month donation that will keep OUR children in rice for a month. Not here in AMERICAN anyway. How awful, right? Let’s all take a minute to hang our heads in shame.

But I digress. My point was to say that the tree huggers who have so kindly taken a break from cuddling bunny rabbits and making peace symbols out of paper clips are usually spewing forth this anti-American sentiment from behind VERY expensive computers located in the dorms of fairly prestigious colleges, clad in designer jeans all bought and paid for by dearest Mommy and Daddy. Never once did it occur to them how LUCKY they are to reside in this Evil Empire of Wealth and Prosperity. After all, in SOME countries, speaking negatively about ones countries earns you a good caning…or sometimes a shallow grave. Little do they know, they are speaking out against a country that believes that it is their God given RIGHT to be a loud mouthed, hypocritical, little shit head.

Fuck these little brats. I suggest we either send them off to war to either be enlightened or erased from the public censes. No loss here either way. If worse comes to worse, may I suggest sending them off to reside in one of these third world countries that they deem so kind, misunderstood, and just? I mean, if they hate America so, why should they be forced to live here? Hell, I’ll kick in $10 for a one way plane ticket shipping them right the fuck out of here.

And as for the country behind the current terrorist attacks, I say we wipe our plates with these fuckers. Sure, innocent people in their country may die. That’s a given. That is a fact in ANY war. They only way to prevent the death of innocents is to prevent war. My theory is, that these terrorists weren’t all that concerned with preventing war if they were still prompted into destroying the WTC. They knew how this country would react. They knew we wouldn’t just roll over and die. If their women and children die now, I hate to break it to them, but they have no one to blame but themselves. And I, for one, am not going to be all that concerned about it. Especially when they obviously aren’t. Furthermore, if they are not going to respect OUR innocents, why they hell should we respect theirs?

Now if only that sac less dunderhead we elected will get off his ass, pinpoint the exact culprits, warm up some bombs, and get to nuking. I’d be a happy camper. Hell, depending on how effective he is during this situation, I might even vote to re-elect.


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