Sex Tips for Men
by WHO on Sep-20-1999

Miss WHO’S School of Sexual Blunders (Saving the world: One inept man at a time)

  • If you think our best friend is hot, DON’T tell us about it.
  • DON’T ask for a threesome.
  • DON’T drool on our chins while kissing. There is only so much chapstick in the world.
  • DON’T jam your tongue so deeply into our ears that they start to ring.
  • DO lick the outside of our ears gently.
  • DO NOT say ignorant things that kill the mood. (i.e.: You know, licking nipples is kind of like licking nine volt batteries)
  • DO compare the taste/scent of our bodies to desirable tasting foods. (i.e.: peaches, cream, cherries, etc.) Try to make your voice sound all husky when you say it.
  • DO NOT lap at our genitals like a little kitty lapping at a saucer of milk.
  • DO remember the two following words: Speed and Pressure.
  • Instead of sticking your slimy, nasty tongue into us, why not move UP just a tad?
  • DON’T stop to ask, “Did you cum?” If you have to ask, it didn’t happen.
  • After doing the above, DON’T ask “How many times?”
  • After doing the above, DON’T be surprised when we roll our eyes and say, “Oh, TONS of times honey, TONS.”
  • NEVER assume that we don’t want oral.
  • When we’re taking care of business down south, DO NOT grab us by the hair and jam our heads down until we gag…unless you like puke on your dick.
  • DO volunteer to help keep our hair our out of our faces.
  • DO NOT pretend not to know which hole is which. If we say no anal sex, we mean no anal sex. If we give anal the thumbs up, lube up and quit playing dumb.
  • Now is not a good time to call us ‘Mommy.’
  • In fact, it’s NEVER a good time to call us ‘Mommy.’
  • DO NOT freak out if you find our vibrators. If it wasn’t for them, we probably would have dumped you by now.
  • Are you wondering if it makes you less of a man if you can’t get your woman off? Well, I’m here to reassure you that:

That’s exactly what it means.


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