Aw! Who’s Abusing the Cattygoths?
by WHO on Feb-5-2000

(Whistling might make a good special effect)

FINALLY someone doesn’t like me! Now while I’m not slighting my loyal fans in the least, I was kind of in the mood for a good argument. One of my guilty pleasures is debating. Last semester, in philosophy class I would argue points I didn’t believe in just for the sake of mental exercise. If everyone in the class was a Christian, I would argue atheism. If my classmates were democrats, I would argue anarchy. One day my teacher got frustrated over my logical defense of communism, and said:

Dammit! Can’t you agree with anyone over anything?

Er, I guess not. For one thing, debating points I wouldn’t normally agree with has greatly enhanced my technique considering it helps me see the point of view of others. (A quality I deem necessary in intelligent debate) For example, to help me to better my argument against the holocaust, I decided I would try to see Hitler’s point of view first. At first glance, you might think that someone like Hitler was a sick fuck. However, if you take the time to actually get to know his logic and motivations, you might learn that he’s…

…a sick fuck.

Ok, bad example. But you get the point.

Which brings me to the Cattyshits…

From what I understand, a ‘Cattyshit’ posted a link to my site and asked the clan to check out a particular article of mine. (Aw! Who’s Abusing the Baby?) Of course, everyone succumbed to peer pressure and agreed that I’m:

A Vile bitch

Seriously Skull-fucked

Trying to be tough

I would like to provide you with a complete list of blasphemous slander of your faithful web mistress, but I am reluctant to provide these limey bastards with more hits…

Now, I wasn’t aware that this was going on…until one of the catty minions posted in my guestbook. He sent me a couple of lame emails. I sent him a couple of nonchalant responses. I thought that was the end of it. Not so, apparently he was just creaming in his shorts over comments he made about me in the Cattygoth’s message board and he wanted me to take a look. So I did.

Too funny!

But I did notice some minor misconceptions on the page, so I thought I’d send them a quick email explaining myself. My email, in full, is as follows:

Exlax, Cattysluts, and the band of complimentary cretins,

Oops! One of my faithful followers stumbled on the flame war on the Cattyhookers site that was to graciously held in my honor and sent me the link. I was pretty bored, and needed a laugh or two, so I thought I’d take a quick look…

As I suspected, I encountered many of the typical insults made worthless considering that no one made any specific points to back up their claims. (Ex: I was called ‘vile’ and while you’re entitled to an opinion, I’d be interested in WHAT, EXACTLY makes me so vile?) I’m wondering if the authors of these petty insults bothered to read my pages before shouting tasteless obscenities? Or did they just decide that it was ‘the cool thing to do’ to trash me publicly and joined in without proper education? Damn sheep…

However, a few of you had some worthwhile questions about a particular article of mine (AW! Who’s abusing the baby?) and I figured I’d clear up the above mentioned misconceptions with one, quick email…

So, without further ado…

Q. “Does she actually believe everything she says?”

A. You bet your bottom dollar I do! What’s the point of making a website about my life if I’m just going to lie about it? Oh sure, I might exaggerate to make a humorous point or two, but I trust in the fact that people reading my site have the intelligence to recognize blatant sarcasm when they see it. (On the other hand, this IS the Internet and I might be overestimating a few of you) However, the stories are all true and my beliefs are real and valid.

Q. Is the guy mentioned in the ‘X Files’ the same guy she talked about in ‘AW, etc.?”

A. Yes, and I can almost see how you’d get confused. If you read the ‘Aw, etc.’ a little closer, you’ll find that the whole reason my ex-husband got violent with me was because I confronted him with his infidelity and threatened to leave. In the ‘X Files’ I stated that he was physically abusive without making it clear that the violence only happened ONCE. My fault. I am not too big to admit when I’m wrong, and I will be the first to say that the ‘X files’ could use a little touch up.

Q. If she feels so negatively about battered women, then why does she volunteer?”

A. Good point.

However, the answer is simple: to meet men.
(Come on! That was a JOKE! Lighten up!)

Perhaps I should explain a little more fully my job at the shelter: I am a child advocate. (Translation: I play with kids) Despite all my ranting and raving about the little monsters, I actually have quite the soft spot when they are concerned. (See my ‘Rugrats’ article) Take, for instance, my life. I work as a child care provider, I volunteer as a child advocate, and I basically plan to dedicate my entire life to educating them. I positively surround myself with the little buggers! It’s illogical to think that I hate them when my actions prove otherwise.

With that said…

My main ‘problem’ (If you want to call it that) with battered women is while the women can leave any time they choose, the children have no choice whether or not they leave. They simply go where Mommy takes them. And Mommy fails to heed the danger of the situation she is burdening her kids with.

The average battered women leaves her husband SEVEN TIMES before she leaves for good. SEVEN TIMES the child is uprooted from his home. SEVEN TIMES the child is carelessly placed back into a volatile situation that will probably scar them emotionally for life. SEVEN TIMES I am forced to listen to these women whine and bitch and moan about their ‘needs’ while I look into the vacant eyes of her offspring that only animate when they hear a load noise. Then I can see pure terror.

You think these women suffer?

Look, instead, at the kids whose lives consist of turmoil, fear, confusion, and abuse that they have no control over. Look at the KIDS who are seriously lacking in role models and who, statistically speaking, will most likely grow up to abuse or be abused as a result.

Look at the kids who can be saved if only their worthless mothers grew some balls.

They force their poor living choices on their innocent children and (In my eyes) that makes them just as guilty of abuse as their husbands. In fact, they are more to blame because they are aware of the fact that their current situation is unhealthy, yet they do nothing to stop it.

Furthermore, as I stated in my article, it’s EASY to leave. I use myself as an example. Also, I’d like to point out that I received no free housing, supplies, legal assistance, job opportunities, and education in doing so. (Resources lavished upon the women in the shelter) Most importantly, I left WITHOUT the incentive of having a child whose well-being and mental health was dependent on me. I left anyway. And I DIDN’T go back.

Q. “Why doesn’t she try to persuade the women to leave?”

A. We’re not allowed. Unfortunately, it’s our job to provide these women with adequate support…no matter how undeserving the ignorant, pathetic hag may be. When a women approaches me and says, once again, “I want to go back,” it’s my job to look them in the eye and congratulate them on making a choice even if it’s obviously a poor one. Then, I am forced to mercilessly pry her hysterical child’s grasp from my legs while he pleads with me, “Don’t make me go back! I’m scared of Daddy!” At this point, the mother usually says something ironically cruel, like, “Get in the car you little brat! Can’t you see you are making this hard for Mommy?”

YOU can cry me a river for THAT woman if you want too. Cry me a whole fucking lake.

Personally, I’d like to break her arms…but she’d probably get off on it.

At this time, I’d like to urge each and every one of you to go volunteer at your local battered women’s shelter. I challenge you to look into the eyes of a 3 year old child who is denied the luxury of escape and who now thinks hurting people is ‘cool’ and then YOU find sympathy for the women who failed to teach him different. I implore you to put your money where your mouth is, get off your high horse, and get your hands dirty. You may just learn something. And maybe that knowledge will make you a little frustrated and (Dare I say?) bitter. And maybe, JUST MAYBE, you’ll have to therapeutically cleanse yourself by putting all your misgivings on your website in order to avoid having the bitterness seep into real life and thereby negatively affecting how you do your job.


Q. “Do the people at the shelter know she feels this way?”

Now that’s a silly question! Do you honestly think that anyone with an ego the size of mine doesn’t jump at the opportunity to pass her URL out to every breathing soul she encounters?

They know. And most of them agree wholeheartedly.

In conclusion, I’d like to request that any future questions regarding my beliefs are directed towards ME considering that no one is better qualified to explain myself than me. While I know that it’s easier and more predictable to hate something you don’t understand, I have faith in the knowledge that SOME of you may be bigger people than that. It’s immature and catty to flame someone without notifying them so they can properly defend themselves.

::light bulb appearing overhead::

You’re the CATTYbitches…I get it! Helleva job you’re doing!

As for you Exlax….
Post THIS, you cowardly pointless little WHELP! Let’s see how self destructive you REALLY are.

And you Cattitude…
I congratulate you for recognizing your own stupidity and then learning and growing from it. It’s people like you that provide the inspiration and hope that allows us volunteers to sleep at night. Thank you for that.


And the saga continues…

After my email, I got a few responses from both Cattywhores and minions. Everyone reacted differently. Some people continued to slam me; some people apologized. Either way, I was pretty content with the outcome.

Apparently, some of my faithful followers were not satisfied and the Catty’s got flamed. Poor babies. I hurt for them, I really do. Regardless of popular opinion though, I DID NOT put anyone up to flaming them. On the contrary, some of the Catty’s made some pretty good points. For example, did I ever defend myself when someone called my site design crap? No. You want to know why? Because my site design IS crap. Big fucking deal. Furthermore, I’m sure both Bug and Venus made a couple of points that I did not agree with. I can’t remember exactly what they were, but I’m sure they did.

So I just sat back and collected hits. Pretty soon, I started getting emails from people saying, ‘Why don’t you step in? Why don’t you DO something?’ I took a second look at the message board and saw that much like a house full of lone children when their parents are away on vacation, everyone had gotten completely out of control. At the request of many, I decided to step in.

Diplomatically, kindly, and with an open mind, I (Along with Venus) proposed a truce. What did we get? SNUBBED. THREATENED. DISRESPECTED. The ruthless Catty’s were so intent on holding a grudge, that they posted a bogus phone number on the message board claiming that it was Venus’s and encouraged people to call.

Then I got mad.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion. I uphold free speech at all costs. But I believe in two other things: Ethics and Fairness. Hate me if you want to. Go ahead, call me every vile little nickname you can come up with…I won’t mind a bit. But DON’T threaten me or my friends! DON’T twist my words around and misquote me! DON’T involve and innocent bystander in a lame little flame war. If you do, prepare yourself, my friend, for I will attack with all the viciousness of a rabid dog: ripping you to pieces and spilling your stinking, putrid entrails onto the earth. Then I will kick dirt on your rotting remains and take a hefty shit on the entire pile. And I will do it all via the computer.

Which is the purpose of this slam page. Click the links below to meet the Catty’s. A warning though: it’s not pretty. I effectively exposed them as the pack of liars, cowards, mental cases, and morons that they are. ENJOY!

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